I am Fine or Save Me?…..The answer my friend is blowing in the wind….

I was there that night right beside you

Laughing with you and taking care of you because something upset you

Did you realise then that it was actually me who needed help

Did you realise then that I needed you more than you needed me

Today when you write on SM that you are here to listen

Is that not fake?

I was there I was screaming from within and you couldn’t hear

Do you mean tomorrow if I quit SM you won’t be there to hear me out or help?

That’s really ok

All I was looking for was a real person in the world of fakes

I was there at your doorstep because I couldn’t bear to be alone

And when you said you will always be there for me

I thought you meant it

That night I knew you were inside but your doors didn’t open for me

That’s really ok

All I wanted was an honest friend

I was sitting next to you, telling you what was going on in my mind

You told me a lot of things

You told me how suicide is a crime and how everyone’s life is a struggle

Do you think I didn’t know that already

You told me I was indulging in self pity

That’s really ok

All I was searching for was an empathetic listener who would just listen to me without judging me

I was there at the party right behind you

When you were making fun of me and telling everyone how you find me to be boring

When the rest were laughing at my expense, you joined them too

That’s really ok

All I was looking for was someone who was kind

Tonight as I stand on my balcony parapet wondering which place was better, the sky above or the earth below. And then I decided to embrace the earth to live in the sky above, for the earth failed me each time I wanted to live. You failed me each time I cried for help. But rest assured dear friend I shall not trouble you anymore. But as you live on, remember to be kind, true and non judgmental. That’s all it would have taken to save me.

PS: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME, I AM NOT SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION. THIS IS YET ANOTHER FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION

Feelings, Emotions, can there be a measurement scale?

Respect, Love, Hate, Sorry, Gratitude, Trust are much abused words. Why? Because many choose to use them rampantly, without meaning them, and mostly to manipulate other people’s emotions. In a world where majority are superficial or artificial in their people to people transactional skills, our emotions and feelings take a bashing almost everyday.

Consider a situation where you have done something to make the situation favorable for someone. You did not expect anything in return. However, if the person came and expressed their gratitude, you are bound to feel good and a sense of contentment will prevail. If, however, the same person came and told you that whatever you did wasn’t anything great, their feeling of gratitude is 6 on a scale of 10; how would you feel?

Say someday, you went an extra mile and got a special gift for your child. The instant shower of love and affection from the child will make you feel on the top of the world, as if nothing else ever mattered. If, however, the child told you that it loves you 7 on a scale of 10 because you are expected to bring gifts and you did nothing extraordinary; how would you feel?

If someone keeps telling you that they respect you for your thoughts and for who you are. Then one fine day you express your thoughts in an open forum, and the same person is not too happy. So later the person comes to tell you that because you spoke your mind their respect for you is now 5 on a scale of 10!

Well, for all these situations and many more such, always remember emotions and feelings are very complex yet very simple. Why simple? Because there is no scale of measurement for them, you either feel them or you don’t. You either Love or you don’t, you either respect someone or you don’t; most importantly the absence of love is not hate and absence of respect is not disrespect, it’s just that you do not feel those emotions for a said person.

In our quest to achieve greater heights, often we use and abuse these myriad emotions and feelings, conveniently to manipulate people to be in their good books or to get work done and so on, the reasons can be many, nevertheless unjustified. Our emotions and feelings are simple, we try to complicate them by using it as a weapon for our adventures or misadventures. The only true gift you can give yourself is to be true to your feelings, after all there is something called integrity, but then again not many will know what it is 😉

In case I happen to have hurt anyone’s feelings, then am Sorry – 0 on a scale of 10 🙂

Copyright of the pic does not belong to me, it is an image available on net.

Shadow Parents

In my late thirties, I feel I have been blessed with the best parents in the universe ( i.e. if we also consider Aliens have parents 😛 ). At 5, I felt pretty much the same. In between there have been world wars, cold wars, civil wars, emotional wars and so on; with my parents. There have been times when I felt I had the most stubborn parents and times when I have felt that I am not worthy of being their daughter. Am pretty sure that my parents too must have gone through a roller coaster ride of guilt and pride, in their journey of parenthood. Thankfully we had my grandparents (maternal and paternal) around. They were the buffer system, as well as the catalyst; switching their roles as per the need of the situation. Grandparents during my times, were the natural bridges between parents and children; loving, caring, nurturing and most importantly guiding us and our parents with grace.

Imagine, during those conflicting years, the growing years, if we had not one but three sets of parents to deal with! And no grandparents!

That is exactly how it is in most cases these days. Confused? Let me walk you through the situation. With both the parents working these days, the children are left with their grandparents (which is very very good and healthy, far better than leaving them alone with maids). This change has prompted a role reversal of sorts, wherein the grandparents have taken it on themselves to be the shadow parents of their grand children. They have ceased to be the lovely, enigmatic, graceful grandparents who used to have endless tales to tell us. They are not to be blamed though, cause our busy schedules and lack of time has pushed them to take on our roles at home.

In all this mix up, it is our children who are suffering. They face three times the pressure of what we did (parents+paternal grandparents+maternal grandparents). Each set is thrusting their wishes and desires on the child. Each set wants to bring them up as per their rules and values, unknowingly creating conflict within the child. Whichever set the child tries to follow, the other sets usually gets offended, forcing the child to learn manipulation and juggling emotions at a very young age.

I say this not as an assumption and nor is this baseless. I say this as a counselor, after having observed this trend and studying the cases that have come to me.

A child needs its own parents; PARENTS ARE IRREPLACEABLE.

A child needs its grandparents and not shadow parents; GRANDPARENTS ARE IRREPLACEABLE TOO.

Lets stick to the roles we are meant to play in our child’s life and gift them a memorable, value added childhood.